Quote of the Day

Whisper, say my name
The lights are gettin’ lower
Trouble, from your lips
One taste, I’m goin’ over
Falling, between
This feel, is what I’m after
Empty, need the high
Fix me, I’m feelin’ sober

I don’t even care, yeah you got me, good
We don’t gotta know if we should
Gettin’ lost on you, yeah you said I could
Cause you know that, cause you know

Once I get it (Going)
So addicted (Oh)
Got me trippin’ (Oh)
High off of you

Once you get it (Going)
So addicted (Oh)
Got you trippin’ (Oh)
High off of me

-High by Sivik

This song is the freaking bomb.com. Listen to it right now. Right now. I think it describes how first love should feel like. Anyway. Listen to it. I’ve been addicted to it for the past two days.

https://m.soundcloud.com/sivik/high

Also, I can’t say the break hasn’t been nice. I’m not even going to overly apologize for it. This has been the first weekend in forever since I didn’t feel overwhelmed with homework, done with life, and like I couldn’t relax. It was great.

I hope yours was just as good!

-Ivy

 

 

Caged In Life/Love/Honestly What The Fuck Is Life?

Today I realized how routine my future will be and how trapped I’ll feel.

 

I just want to drive away, climb to the top of the hardest trail I can find, and stay there forever.

 

I want to be sixteen.

 

I want a car.

 

I wantย out.

 

And maybe – when I’ve gotten my shit together – someone to share out with.

Image result for wisdom tree hike

(Wisdom Tree, LA, on my bucket list)

Someone to sit under the one tree at the top of the trail with and make me feel like I have a reason to be here – that I am worth more than I will ever think I am. Someone who will tell me it’s the feelings not the thoughts that count. A fellow music addict, possibly insane person, hiker, exerciser, deep thinker, meaningful conversation-haver, pervert, love obsessionaire, etc., etc. Someone who by being in my life will make me a better person.

Someone once told me that love isn’t just a feeling, but a decision. Which made sense, but I didn’t agree. We can’t choose who we fall in love with/feel love for, but we can decide whether they are worthy. Not the snooty kind of worth – no – someone who will treat you the way you deserve, reign you in when you’re being a shitty person, and somehow know when you need to be alone, when you need silent arms around you, when you need a kiss to brighten your day. And maybe once in a while but you flowers and chocolate (or if you’re me blindfold you and drive you somewhere beautiful). Who won’t be worried about being sexist or about not hitting a girl when you need to wrestle someone around. (What? We’ve already established that I’m weird).

You may not be perfect, but somehow you make each other better. That’s love.

Sorry. Somehow everything I write winds back up at love.

My life feels like a cage right now. And in that cage there’s a noose. It started as a big loop around the entire thing, but it’s tightening tighter around my neck. And heart.

The normal resting heart rate of a human being is 60-100 beats per minute. I had a day (a particularly stressful one) last week where I was sitting there at my desk watching a video or something and my heart rate was 123 bpm. (Perks of an Apple Watch you can measure your heart rate). That’s not healthy. It’s a noose.

Sorry. What am I even apologizing for? I don’t know Ivy stop doing this you know people look at you funny when you talk to yourself.

I just had one of those moments where I had to pause my music and then turned on again and was like: whoa who turned this shit up so loud??? Then: Oh. I did.

 

I’m going to sign off now. Another kinda shitty post. Oh well. Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far. Congratulations – you’ve crossed the finish line.

-(Caged) Ivy

The Kind of Shit I Like

I cursed in the title. Sue me.

 

Music so good

It makes your chest hurt

Voices so angelic

They make you cry

Beat so dark

It makes you depressed

 

That’s the kind of shit I like.

 

I missed my SoundCloud account – I got my phone back after two weeks. My friends started joking that my mom is not only punishing me but them too. I love SoundCloud because of how my playlist grows every day. I constantly need new music to fuel my addiction and SoundCloud really does it for me. I sound like a promo – whatever – SoundCloud can be annoying sometimes but on the most part it’s worth it.

When I have to write a poem about something the well of inspiration seems to dry up. I have to write a poem about To Kill A Mockingbird and I’ve got nothin’. Wish me luck.

I hope you’ve had a good weekend!

-Ivy

Save Me

Inspired by the above picture

 

It’s not me

It is but one

Of the many intricate layers

Of the masks I wear

 

The blood

The sweat

The tears

Are all practiced

Image result for ember watercolor

So if you think you’ve found me

Keep digging

Please save me

From the person everyone around me has carved

Image result for ember watercolor

The truth hidden deep beneath

The real me is so exhausted

I cannot break through without you

Related image

i just want out

Related image

want my mask to burn

download

Let them judge me –

They’ll hear my laughter from miles away.

 

~different and proud

 

Also haha when you say you’re 99% you’ll have something posted but the 1% comes true….

๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜…

Ember

What if I’m not a spark

But a ย  d y i n g ย  ember

Among the ashes

Soon to join them?

Image result for dying ember

I’m 99% sure the next part of Citizen Four will be up tomorrow. That one percent involves me falling asleep the second I get home (which seems likely at the moment). I’m waiting on a little betareading. (I love you, chan. I hope you had fun today. I know you had more fun than me. I hope you like the next part). I’m excited!

-Ivy