When I feel caged I don’t feel the need for other people around me
But when I break down I need someone’s arms to cry in
I can talk and talk to you for hours, my friend,
But sometimes I just want to tune out the world
Maybe put down some words onto a piece of paper
Want a nice place to call my own
Don’t want to be bound to anything or anyone
Want to fall in love hard enough for it to last my lifetime
But how will he feel when I ignore him to write?
Just want to drive away and never come back
Just want to stay in bed at forever
Want to be responsible
Want to rebel and not do anything I’m supposed to – why do some get away with it but not me?
So. We’re back with my “interesting” life. The only interesting thing about my life are the thoughts in my head. Oh, well – better than nothing.
I have no free time – if I had like a half-hour every day I think my life would be much improved.
But a much bigger thing – not just free time but freedom.
There are so many definitions of freedom – not being chained by obligations or people or things and being able to go where you want when you want (probably the most extreme version), having enough monetary security to take off when you want to, only having to go to school, falling in love, doing whatever you want even if you don’t make a lot of money, etc. etc.
I want all these freedoms. And yet I know that that will probably never happen.
I bet my life will look a little something like this – designated driver of party, *sits in the corner at party and tries to study*, nerd, responsible, *drives the speed limit*, *makes sure friends don’t get into too much trouble*, *ends up successful*, *never has free time*.
That scares me. What also scares me is adults. You know, the ones you don’t hate, don’t really like or know, that ask you what grade you’re in and what school you go to. One of my biggest fears is becoming that.
I know I keep saying this but it irks me. So much.
The skateboarders. My favorite band – Citizen Four (I promise they’ll be a thing about this but I’m writing it I really truly am I’m actually making a true commitment to it and I’ve got Evie to keep me in check 😉 I may have to post it in installments because it may run long but it will be finished at some point in my life. Cross my heart and hope to die). They have time to be just boys. Just people. Just have fun. Just laugh.
Especially the band – I mean they work and record and go on tour and all, but they have time to explore and just be silly boys together. And their voices are so great and honestly they look great too (I said it – and there’s nothing you could have done to stop me).
And honestly I can;t wait to get out of my house and into the world. Ideally, I’ll be a dentist and only have to work four days a week. I’ll be able to write, pursue martial arts, learn parkour (it’s SO COOL), drive straight across the country, and all the other sh*t I want to do. I will master controlling my body (I know how weird that sounds ) Also, I’ll fall in love, and we’ll keep each other fit and have deep and meaningful conversations all our lives.
*Laughs evily at how f****d (I’m feeling more G rated today – not?) up her life will probably actually be*
It’s the waiting for things to happen that kills me.
Also, this summer I’m turning 14, and nothing significant happens when you’re 14. Ew.
So, I’d tell you about the retreat, but I’m still sorting it out in my own head. It was interesting and moving, to say the least. I came late because I had to take a test, so I missed most of the stuff about Catholics and premarital sex and chastity. Oops. *Cringes and laughs at the same time*
Ivy is currently listening to: End of the Summer by Alec Benjamin, (Okay I’m not listening to two songs at once but I had to advertise) the Citizen Four cover of Black Beatles (by Rae Srummurd – I think that’s how you spell it).
Anyway, Citizen Four are (is? Grammar?) amazing and you should totally give them a listen. I now dislike a lot of the original songs they cover because their voices are SO GOOD. *happy creepy double chin face* Who needs Shawn Mendes when you’ve got four angels? (don’t judge me – you’re judging me. *shrugs* I’m sorry I’ll keep talking) I still like the songs, but now I have two options of how to listen to it – example: Black Beatles – Version 1: Ghetto-ish (in a good way, I mean no offense to anyone when I say this, I need this kind of music to get through the day sometimes) that makes you feel “bad” when you sing along with the lyrics. & Version 2: angelic and amazing and makes me die inside (in a good way)
I will hopefully be posting my recently added playlist because those songs are the s**t and you should listen to them. Over and over. Until you hate them. That’s what I do!
(Can anyone sense a serious music addiction *laughs off-key*)
Ivy is currently reading: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. You should read it too!
Thanks for dealing with all this crazy ish over here *gestures to entire body*!
Thanks for the support, lovely comments, and follows even though all I do is ramble. I’m going to post so much over spring break you’re going to have poetry overload and be like: This is Ivy? The same Ivy who failed to post anything besides rambling for the past __ months?
At least I’m working on something to post. I won’t give up on it. I refuse. It’s going to be beautiful and weird and a total opportunity to judge the hell out of me. 😘
Peace, love, and blaming all this craziness on the coffee I just had (I hate coffee so much I was desperate),