It Hits Writers Harder

Before I start: The countdown to tennis on Thursday begins! 😉

Today’s Quote:

We think whether male of female we are created in Gods image and regardless of gender we all need and want to be treated with respect and dignity and love. Keep writing those letters to that man because one day God will answer those letters and bring that special man.


You guys honestly deserve a shoutout – you are some of the nicest people I know here on WordPress. Somehow you always find the time to write me the loveliest things! Sometimes they’re the nicest thing I hear/read all day. I really can’t thank you enough – know that I mean it each and every time! Check them out – they’re great people!

Also, I’m really mad right now because there is not a single Citizen Four quote or piece of merchandise on the internet. Somebody needs to get their lives right, because if I made merch it would look awful. Anyone artistic want to make me a Citizen Four t-shirt? With the Cold single cover, not the Testify one. Okay. You don’t know what I’m talking about, but I will make a huge music post, this weekend hopefully. Pay no attention to my overreactions.

Also, I have two interviews coming up, one for an early college and one for a middle college, and I’m nervous even though my teacher did a mock interview with me. *Starts sweating and laughing nervously* – me at interview

—And We Begin—

I mean, this all might just be me, but it seems love hits writers harder. Or maybe it’s just me. I said that already. But, seriously, I’ve only met one other person like me.

My body may be thirteen

But my mind most certainly isn’t

Sometimes I miss my innocence

But deep issues are more interesting than the superficial ones.

I don’t know when exactly I became this way. When I stopped caring about the people at school who if I really tried could maybe seem “cool” in their eyes. When I stopped caring if people thought I was antisocial (that is a more recent one). When I realized popularity was so damn stupid. When I became a deep person.

I have to stop and thank Evie for inspiring me to write. I love writing now and it’s all thanks to you for introducing it to me. I don’t know what I’d do without writing and it’s all because of you.

Deepness and people like me: the poem explained me but I want to elaborate. Thirteen-year-olds aren’t supposed to be like this. I’m not saying it’s a bad way to be, it’s just hard to find people who understand because few people my age are this way.

Thirteen-year-olds aren’t supposed to be cooped up inside writing, they should be outside running around. 13-yro’s  aren’t supposed to write love scenes and imagine them and think of how two people will fall in love and how it will play out. We’re not supposed to write about kissing or even sex. We shouldn’t – we have no experience! (At least I don’t. And I don’t think anyone should at this age. At least wait until high school). I shouldn’t have such dirty-minded thoughts. (Oops). But at the same time, I’m glad for it. And I don’t care what anyone thinks.

So, to make my point, love hits writers harder. I’ve started thinking (more like obsessing) about it since 13. And you get all these expectations about how your first kiss and meeting someone you really like for the first time and they’ll probably get ruined. I know mine will. My mind over-perfects everything and I know for sure it won’t be like that.

There won’t be a guy who knows exactly how to say. There probably won’t be a guy whose voice does things to you (cough Citizen Four cough cough sorry I’ll stop advertising at some point) or who looks like a perfect 10/10 (who came up with that anyway? It’s stupid). There probably won’t be a toned guy who looks amazing with his shirt on or off (Nope you can’t judge me. Yes I am a shallow person sometimes).

And everyone’s like if you are yourself you’ll find that someone because they’ll love you for you. My response: I hardly know how to be me. Who is Ivy? Who the hell am I? (Again a thought 13-yro’s don’t have:/ ) I don’t know how to be me.

High school is supposed to be when you find yourself, but the way it looks I’ll be working my ass off too much to figure that out.

Okay. I’m gonna go do my homework. Conclusion time.

How do I be me? What do I do with these thoughts? Is there another option besides waiting for life to go on and until I’m “allowed” to have these thoughts? Was anyone else like this at 13? Are you getting anything out of these long-ass posts that I’ll probably look back at in twenty years and be like: “She thought her life was hard” “I was so melodramatic” “God, I was a weird teenager” ?

Ivy is currently listening to: I Don’t Wanna Live Forever by ZAYN and Taylor Swift, which just ended and Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots came on

Keep writing those letters to that man (or woman),


Dear man,

Maybe I’ll remember all this and show it to you. Maybe I’ll still be writing it every day. Maybe I’m sitting in your lap writing right now. If I’m not, take a hint. Maybe you’ve soothed my fears of being a blah adult. Maybe you weren’t the first to kiss me, but you’ll be the last.

I hope you treat me well, and I hope I treat you well. I hope you don’t mind when I blast music too loud or don’t eat enough because I’m writing. I hope you don’t mind all the weird shit I do.

I hope we love each other enough for the rest of our lives. And no matter how old I am, I hope these hopes (even when they’re not just hopes anymore) remain true.




10 thoughts on “It Hits Writers Harder

  1. i love your big posts ❤

    i think it hits writers the most too (as we have really great imaginations) nudge nudge wink wink

    i just relized theat we never got to have our good girl/ bad girl conversation…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah I know life sucks. We can walk to Spanish reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllly slooooooooooowly. But we have a project ugh I hate life.
    Also thanks. Nudge wink nudge nudge

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow Ivy. Thank you so much for your kind words. We appreciate you acknowledging our responses which we always try to let come from our hearts. You are a passionate young lady encountering what we all do and what is so fresh about it is you speak of them in such a way that most probably echoes the thoughts and feelings of all people young and old. You are a winner and never let anyone tell you differently. When you fall like we do keep getting back up and this is what character and integrity is made of and you young lady have character and integrity. Let your light so shine… I love the scripture verse that notes “and a child shall lead them…” We are all children so lead Ivy, lead.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow. I can’t get over the kindness, perhaps because of society’s encouragement of tearing each other down for no reason. Thank you, and you have a great character too! Again, kindness is getting much more difficult to find. Thank you for always having me shaking my head in wonderment when I read your comments. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are welcome. Hang in there. Can’t say it’ll get better but you will get STRONGER, lol. I remember my mom saying there would be bad days but she didn’t say there would be weeks of them at times, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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