Used to.

Lonely.

when I was in love

there was a tsunami of words

rushing forth from within me

 

now i’m caged

lonely but for a few hours each day

depressed

i don’t feel like writing

the few words that appear in my mind down

 

all i want

is to get out of that gods-damned place

that has trapped me for five years

so sick of its constant popularity contest

every day brings me closer to the end

but it seems the days left multiply

 

maybe it’s a good thing everything fell apart now

so i was only alone

for a few months

instead of a few years

 

i’m so ready to leave

so ready to feel like i belong

somewhere


 

i want to scream

but when i try my throat dries up

 


 

Maybe.

i wish i had been better

maybe she wouldn’t have made you hate me

maybe i could have put a little goodness in your life

to counter her

 

how did we let one person

destroy four years of friendship

in a matter of months?

 

now you don’t want to talk to me

i have to plan what to say to you

and if you don’t hear me when i say it the first time

i just say never mind afraid that what i had to say was stupid

 

maybe i fucked up

maybe you left for her

maybe she fucked us up

 

what matters is that we’re fucked

fucked up into tiny sparkling pieces

still flying through the air towards my skin

it hurts as they find their home

drawing blood from deep beneath my skin

 

whatever.

it’s too late now.

isn’t it?

my heart breaks when i think good riddance

 

i always wanted to share high school with you

until now

and now

i have to share high school with her.

 

-Ivy

All my poetry sucks lately – it’s just a mess of shitty feelings. At least when I had those light crush feelings my poetry made sense.

Everything used to make sense.

used to.

 

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20 thoughts on “Used to.

  1. Powerful emotions here Ivy. You are normal and experiencing normal feelings that will pass. Being alone at times is a good and healthy time. Embrace it and you will have joy returning before you know it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Shitty feelings” are what makes the writing that much more real and powerful. Follow your heart and in turn your fingertips will create what’s inside your head in creative ways. This was good stuff; I could feel the emotion. – Marty

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I really love this poem it’s so good I feel like poetry can be interpreted so many different ways by so many different people depending on what we’re all going through at the time. You did wonderfully

    Liked by 1 person

  4. haha thank you. (not like i have any choice but to move forward thank goodness 😅) I’m ready for it to be over- thank you for the encouragement!

    Liked by 1 person

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